if this war inside my head won't take a day off i'll be dead

to be honest, i'm not really loving today.

i have not really had a chance to write till now and even know i kind of shouldn't be but i am.

that's just the way it is.


today i am resisting

i don't like where i am


and i know that fighting it is only making it worse, you know, but like it's on such a guttural level


it's giving me a headache-- like my internal dialogue.

it's really loud

and it's not letting up


i'm just trying to like, ignore it, you know, but like when you ignore big things that like, you feel deep inside yourself-- it causes fucked up physical things.

i know this.

i know this very well.

so i guess what i have to say to my inner self today

is

that i hear you

i hear you and i promise to do something about it

not right this moment

but soon

i'm not ignoring you

i'm just not ready

okay dear self?

i will get there

i will get there

that i will promise you.

with love,

your outer self

xo xo xo