it is so much easier to wake up when the sun is shining. i love being out on the street early- when no one else is around-- when no one else is even awake.
i went to the gym and listened to the same song 4x while i was running. i do that sometimes-- i get really obsessed with a song and listen to it on repeat for like, a week and then get totally sick of it. bored.
boredom is my biggest obsticle-- i'm constantly struggling with feeling bored. i don't like routine, repetition or review.....and becaue of that i'm always kind of mentally checked out.
boredom-- that's what gets me into trouble. i get punchy and a little reckless just to shake things up. i like to shake things up. i feel better when things aren't so "connect the dots". spontaniety, disorder, chaos......that's where i come from.
i was going to write that order feels suffocating but what that really means that i have a fear of making commitments and this is true. i'm not commited to anything-- even if it appears otherwise....... as much as i don't like it, i understand that sometimes i have to color inside the lines.
so i wake up. i go to the gym. i go to work. i kiss my boyfriend when i get home. i color inside the lines. on the outside.
inside i'm throwing paint, dancing around the fire wearing bells and feathers, worshiping the sun and praying for rain......
cuz i'm young...........and i'm easily bored
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