oh you probably won't remember me, it's probably ancient history, i'm one of the chosen few who went ahead and fell for you

last night on the way home i was on the g train and this guy....he stood next to me and he kind of reminded me of you.

he didn't look like you-- not that i know what you look like anymore..... or even really remember what you used to look like.  it wasn't anything specific but like, something about him, like the way he was standing and like his hair from the back- kind of reminded me of you.

you. 

to me you are cigarettes, work boots, and a red pick up truck.  to me you are stolen kisses, car rides and walking in the dark.  late night phone calls........yeah, that's who you are to me.

and i'm not mad at you- at least not anymore.  i mean, i guess i was never mad at you, i was just hurt, you know, because of the way things turned out.  and i never really had the chance to tell you, like anything.

i didn't know what i was doing-- like, with you.  maybe i was confusing feeling "being cared for" with "being cared about".  i'm not really sure what you wanted from me and obviously i was not clear about what i wanted from you.  i mean, it wasn't the same thing-- what we wanted from each other.

just so you know-- there was nothing that i wanted more than for someone to tell me that everything was going to be okay--that i was going to be okay-- and even though you never really said it, when i was with you, that is how i felt.

so i guess thank you, you know, like for that.  it might not seem like such a big deal but because of you i was able to sleep again.  so i guess thank you for that too. 

and i can forgive and forget about the other stuff.  the way you were careless with my heart.  but sometimes i wish i had the chance to ask you if you knew-- like if you knew the whole time you were going to leave a scar.

i heard from someone, that you are not well and like, i want to tell you that you'll be okay.  i tried to-- but like, you blocked me.  and i get it, you know, like i get the way it is but that doesn't mean you don't exist.

some times i kind of hope that i will run into you like in the supermarket or at the bank-- and i will tell you how you broke my heart and then i will put my arms around you anyway.  i will remind you that who you are is not who you've been.  and you will watch me as i walk away and think "i cannot believe i let her go".....

we would have been better off as friends.

then we wouldn't have to act like strangers. 

i don't know you and you don't know me.

and you will never ever read this.