last night at like 10PM i started feeling really anxious. like i thought i was dying.
there was nothing really wrong with me, but i just didn't feel good. or something. i don't know.
something inside of my body was screaming pay attention.
i couldn't relax.
it was close to midnight when i finally dosed off.....only to sit up gasping in terror. he asked me what was wrong but i didn't know what to tell him.
i'm afraid that i'm not okay? what kind of an answer is that?
but the truth is that i was really afraid and i couldn't sleep. i didn't want to sleep. i wanted to stay awake, alert, aware.
this is hypervigilance.
staying up. watching. waiting. wondering if i'm going to be okay.
anyway.
i feel like shit today. leftover anxiety mixed with exhaustion. i don't trust the universe. not today.
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