she's trouble in a word get closer to the fire

in my head

i started my day with a glass of red wine

malbec

i'm wearing the same clothes but not 

this

coat

my hair is straighter, neater in this picture than in reality

i'm in a lonely restaurant

with 

black and white tiles on the floor- the white ones are cracked and dirty

like me

the mirrors on the wall are covered in dust

and the velvet drapes are

a little to heavy

for this time of year

i drink my wine

and write a letter in longhand script

that i will 

probably 

never 

send

i look out the window

for long periods of time

because i feel out of sorts

here.

i focus on the corners

of the window

of the room

where the dust and dirt gather

and wonder if it is possible

to ever

make them look clean

the old standards

that i hear in the background

remind me of days

when men smoked cigars and wore trench coasts

and women wore silk stockings with seams up the back

for a moment i feel like i'm in an old movie

the wanderers

i feel more comfortable

when i don't have a plan

less anxious

when i don't have  a destination

i'm just a back street

behind the scenes

kind of girl

and maybe i don't want you to know me