and i feel like i'm naked in front of the crowd cuz these words are my diary screaming out loud and i know that you'll use them however you want to

i struggle with thought.

sometimes my thoughts go full circle.  sometime i think in straight lines.  sometimes my thoughts dissipate into thin air.  sometimes i think parallel thoughts.  sometimes my thoughts are cut short as if my mind were a chopping block and the chef accidentally dropped the knife.  sometimes i think myself into places that i can't think myself out of.

that's why i need to write.  i need to write all of the words out of my way so that i could escape.  i need to write out all of words until my head becomes empty so that i could think clearly.  so i could free myself of the words that weigh me down.  i write because the page is always strong enough to carry the weight of my words wherever they need to go.  once the words are on the page, i'm free.

some people write to remember but i write to forget.  i have no stories to tell.  i have no beginnings, middles or ends.  i have no chapters.  i have nothing but decades of conflicting thoughts that take up too much room in my head.  so i write.  i write to figure things out.  i write the dialogue between me and myself.  my fingers are their own entity responding to the voice in my head.  i write all of my questions and i will continue writing until i've written out all of my answers.

i write because there is nothing else to do when i'm home alone on a monday night in bk.  i write because even though i have cable there is still nothing worth watching.  i write because i do not have the patience to read.  i write because there is no one awake to talk to.  i write because i would like to sleep tonight.  i write because if i could find a place for all of these thoughts, i may actually have a chance to dream great dreams.