it's hard for me to feel inspired lately. like, i sometimes i will be doing some mundane task like taking a shower or walking down the street and my thoughts are so aligned but then i sit down at the computer and those thoughts get lost in translation somewhere between my head and my hand.
i don't know what it is about the blank page or the blank screen-- but suddenly like a reflection of the vast possibilities before me-- i feel lost. i write and erase, i type delete. nothing is good enough. (i tell my ego to shut the fuck up).
there have been times in my life where creativity was overflowing and i had to write. i wrote on napkins, the bottom of my shoes, the inside seams of my shirts.
that was then.
now i am a restrictor. "restrictors operate on the conviction that chaos is imminent and steps need to be taken now to minimize its impact." (g.roth) i limit things because i think that it will limit my suffering. at first, i just limited what i ate, but then i started limiting everything. art. creativity. joy.
life became very small.
i had nothing to say.
i wouldn't let myself.
....things are changing. aren't they?
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