Wednesday, January 25, 2012

show me a sign, to let me know you're here

I don't feel well today.

It sounds like my fear voice, telling me to worry, telling me to pay someone to take care of me (a doctor) until I feel better.

What can I do to take care of myself:
- Get enough sleep
- Make time to meditate
- Eat less sugar

If my fear voice were a child, how would I talk to it?
What am I afraid of?
I am afraid that I will not be okay.  That something will happen to my health that could be fixed if I treat it, but I'm not sure if it's real or fear so I'm putting off going to the dr and by the time I go, it might be too late.

When was this fear born?
It could have been born this weekend, when I felt overwhelmed by finances/our apartment.  It also could have been born in the last couple of days when I started thinking about meeting HSC.

How does it feel?
It feels like a pinball, hitting me in random places when I least expect it.....just when I think it's going down it bouces back up and hits me.

I am really willing to let go of this behavior-- of needed to be on high alert all the time and on guard.  Of sitting on the side lines of life because "I dont' feel good."  Every morning I pray for help......and the course says if we have the slightest willingness, angels will rush in..........

and today when I was standing on the corner of 57th and 8th, the sun suddenly shined down on me and in that moment......i felt them.  xo xo xo

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