Never before and never since, I promise will the whole world be warm as this and as you feel it

there is a chapel on the 2nd floor

i go there every day

the hardest part is praying
- because i don't know what i want
- because i like to feel in control of things
- because i get lost in thought

i get tripped up on wanting because i identify desire with something tangible: a pony, a ring, a room with a view

but i've never really been interested in things
(believe me when i say, no job title, mode of transportation, or personal décor is going to silence the inner chatter)

what i really want is to feel differently

instead of feeling all of the A's (anxious, alone, afraid, etc) i want to feel:
- well rested & refreshed
- safe & warm
- nourished & inspired
- appreciated & cherished
- grateful & fulfilled
- curious & childlike (translation: seeing the magic in the first snowfall of the season)
- peaceful & free
- loved & supported
- kind & generous


sometimes i just overthink things.  i already feel all of those feelings in various parts of my life.  i simply need to appreciate them and live more in that space. 

and if the hardest part is asking/praying for what i want, then that means for the next 10 days i'm going to practice being grateful for what i already have. 

and that is what we're going to do on sunday